She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
