I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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