Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
