Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
