shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
