There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
