sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
