On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
