I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
