here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
