how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
