Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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