I just saw a hot homeless man
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
