I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
