i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dignity is for republicans.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize