did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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