Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
