Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
