The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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