Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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