Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
