Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
