If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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