I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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