In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
