This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
