things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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