Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
