In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I stole a fireplace last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
