We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
