R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
