About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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