Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
