so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
