dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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