I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
