he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
