shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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