There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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