He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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