One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I touched a dick in church today
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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