the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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