Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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