yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
