i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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