He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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