I can tuck mytits in my pants
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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