I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
