I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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