just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
