did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
