I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
