Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
