I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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