You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
