I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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