I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
