Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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