I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
