I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
