you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
