Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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