i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
