yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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