drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
