I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
love makes seman taste better
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
