So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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