ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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