so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
