My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize