When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize