I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
