I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
